I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time and the joy that overcame my heart. There was a little human growing inside of me, and there was no other part of my life that mattered at that moment. I forgot who Melaura was, I forgot who my friends were (and accused them of leaving me behind), I lost track of everything that I used to hold dear to me, to welcome a little bundle of joy into this world.
I went to all the classes I could and learned everything I could, I was that “teen mom” trying to make sure I wasn’t like those “other parents” who’s children ran over them with what looked like a steam iron. I promised my self that my baby would never be like that kid, I promised myself that I would always make time for myself and keep doing my hair and makeup, my views on parenting were so different then then what they are now.
I would not change my choices for anything, because to change my choices, would change my children. I have the man of my dreams who walks by my side and loves me unconditionally, and I have three beautiful children with a little bit of the both of us, but they are also 100% themselves. I find myself guilty of this one thing that parenting classes never taught me, I wouldn’t have understood then, but now as a Mom to a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a 1 year old, I sure would understand, and I am going to try and hold onto these words a lot more now.
Mom, there will come a time where your kids will take over your life, and everything you do. Your excitement to hang out with your partner will be snuffed out, instead he will become your ally against the children when they are being bratty. They will be bratty at times, no matter what you do, and you will probably become ‘that Mom’ at the mall walking away. There will come a time where your energy is so drained from all your daily tasks that you attempt to muster enough strength to take a shower, and go to your bed instead of sleeping on the couch for the fourth night in a row attempting to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Then there is the jail cell, that will also be known as your home. The once entertainer couple who would host SuperBowls and UFCs now has a livingroom taken over by socks and toys, you will want to run away from it hoping/wishing/praying that the clutter will clean itself up. There will come a time that although you think your partner is the most beautiful human being in the world, and no matter how much you want him, you will not physically have the energy to deal with his flirty little smile. The little things he once did for you will become an expected task, and you will forget to admire the fact that he is even willing to take out the trash. Remember th
Dad, there will come a time when you walk into the house and you will think she doesn’t know you’re there, and that is entirely possible. You will start dreading serious conversations that you have to have because you know there are going to be interruptions every thirty seconds from either your children or worse, your partner. You will start to predict the time span between each shrill scream coming from the living room, or the nagging “Mom” coming from a small energy-sucking-alien tugging on your partner’s hand. You will start to predict your partner’s yells “Stop hitting her” or “NO! Don’t climb the TV!” You’re going to hear her get excited when you get home, but it won’t be for the same reason; you have another set of hands to take on the little minions with her. Your once beautiful and well kept partner will now be unshowered wearing other peoples bodily functions, and their food to boot. She will now look like she was run over by a Mack truck. This is when she needs to hear she is beautiful the most, even though she won’t believe you. She will need to know you love her, even though she won’t want to be near you. You left the high demands of work to come home and work in the higher demands of home, and she won’t see your exhaustion, as you equally won’t hear her’s.
But Mom, before your name changed to Mom (and it will change later to so and so’s Mom), you were you, you were his, you were carefree and careless. Remember him! Remember the love you shared before you gave birth to your babies, and remember how appreciative you are for all his love and efforts to help now. Remember his dedication to his family, and his love for you. Because even if you are at each other’s throats over stupid things like dishes, there is still love there. When you need that break, fall into his arms and just tell him how much you love him. Remember that he is going to need that time away with the boys, that time without you or the kids, you need it too; let him be him, and rediscover who he is. Remember him!
And Dad, remember Mom! The love and time she once had for you, is now owned by your babies. She still loves you with all she is, even if she’s nagging at you about ridiculous meaningless things. Let her be enough, even when she doesn’t feel like she is. Remember that your days are long, but so are hers. She will need time alone, with her friends, just like you will need with yours; let her no matter how much you are dreading that time. Remember the love you share, Fall in love over and over again. Remember that before they came along, you were you, and you were hers! Remember her!
Remember each other, and the two people you are without your children. The demands are high, days are endless, and hours are short, but you are as right for each other now as you were back then. Make time for each other alone, no friends, no family, no responsibilities. Hold on tight to each other through the years to come, because you will need each other. It won’t be like this for long, and one day you will look back saying “where did that time go”. There is no greater gift to go through the ups and downs of parenting. And its an even greater gift to go through life with your best friend. Remember each other! You’re a team, and this is a journey for every single day.