What do my mornings look like?
They look like an outnumbered unfairness. They look like a referee getting screamed at for fouls that were potentially unnoticed, or possibly just a minor offense that the morning didn’t allow to take on. They look like starving screaming dinosaurs, who are crying for what is rightfully theirs. They look like rise of the energy-sucking-aliens who will challenge .. every .. single .. play .. in the book. They look like fighting for a 10 minute time out to have what your body wants first thing in the morning; namely to urinate, have a cigarette, and a coffee. It looks like searching every moment for a shirt that may or may not exist bcuz “but it’s my favorite”. It looks like time lost with your partner as they are off to work. My mornings used to mean so many more graceful things.
But now my reality is fighting with not just one, but three perfect children to eat their breakfast, get dressed and brush their teeth. But in those moments I also see something else. In the moments of this Mommy’s chaos, I see what my children see; just for a glimpse. I am Mommy. Aka Super Mom. Bringer of life, logic and order. My job will never be finished, nor do I want it to be. And while my children press every button, test every boundary and ounce of patience I have in the morning; if I can just try and remember the see what they see, I’ll be ok. I’ll survive another endless morning, I’ll survive another cold coffee. It won’t be like this for long, but these are the moments I will forevermore cherish. Now off to start my day I fly, because I have already spent enough time writing this. Have a good day Mom, remember to him, you are SUPERMOM!
What do my mornings look like?
I remember finding out I was pregnant for the first time and the joy that overcame my heart. There was a little human growing inside of me, and there was no other part of my life that mattered at that moment. I forgot who Melaura was, I forgot who my friends were (and accused them of leaving me behind), I lost track of everything that I used to hold dear to me, to welcome a little bundle of joy into this world.
I went to all the classes I could and learned everything I could, I was that “teen mom” trying to make sure I wasn’t like those “other parents” who’s children ran over them with what looked like a steam iron. I promised my self that my baby would never be like that kid, I promised myself that I would always make time for myself and keep doing my hair and makeup, my views on parenting were so different then then what they are now.
I would not change my choices for anything, because to change my choices, would change my children. I have the man of my dreams who walks by my side and loves me unconditionally, and I have three beautiful children with a little bit of the both of us, but they are also 100% themselves. I find myself guilty of this one thing that parenting classes never taught me, I wouldn’t have understood then, but now as a Mom to a 6 year old, a 3 year old and a 1 year old, I sure would understand, and I am going to try and hold onto these words a lot more now.
Mom, there will come a time where your kids will take over your life, and everything you do. Your excitement to hang out with your partner will be snuffed out, instead he will become your ally against the children when they are being bratty. They will be bratty at times, no matter what you do, and you will probably become ‘that Mom’ at the mall walking away. There will come a time where your energy is so drained from all your daily tasks that you attempt to muster enough strength to take a shower, and go to your bed instead of sleeping on the couch for the fourth night in a row attempting to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Then there is the jail cell, that will also be known as your home. The once entertainer couple who would host SuperBowls and UFCs now has a livingroom taken over by socks and toys, you will want to run away from it hoping/wishing/praying that the clutter will clean itself up. There will come a time that although you think your partner is the most beautiful human being in the world, and no matter how much you want him, you will not physically have the energy to deal with his flirty little smile. The little things he once did for you will become an expected task, and you will forget to admire the fact that he is even willing to take out the trash. Remember th
Dad, there will come a time when you walk into the house and you will think she doesn’t know you’re there, and that is entirely possible. You will start dreading serious conversations that you have to have because you know there are going to be interruptions every thirty seconds from either your children or worse, your partner. You will start to predict the time span between each shrill scream coming from the living room, or the nagging “Mom” coming from a small energy-sucking-alien tugging on your partner’s hand. You will start to predict your partner’s yells “Stop hitting her” or “NO! Don’t climb the TV!” You’re going to hear her get excited when you get home, but it won’t be for the same reason; you have another set of hands to take on the little minions with her. Your once beautiful and well kept partner will now be unshowered wearing other peoples bodily functions, and their food to boot. She will now look like she was run over by a Mack truck. This is when she needs to hear she is beautiful the most, even though she won’t believe you. She will need to know you love her, even though she won’t want to be near you. You left the high demands of work to come home and work in the higher demands of home, and she won’t see your exhaustion, as you equally won’t hear her’s.
But Mom, before your name changed to Mom (and it will change later to so and so’s Mom), you were you, you were his, you were carefree and careless. Remember him! Remember the love you shared before you gave birth to your babies, and remember how appreciative you are for all his love and efforts to help now. Remember his dedication to his family, and his love for you. Because even if you are at each other’s throats over stupid things like dishes, there is still love there. When you need that break, fall into his arms and just tell him how much you love him. Remember that he is going to need that time away with the boys, that time without you or the kids, you need it too; let him be him, and rediscover who he is. Remember him!
And Dad, remember Mom! The love and time she once had for you, is now owned by your babies. She still loves you with all she is, even if she’s nagging at you about ridiculous meaningless things. Let her be enough, even when she doesn’t feel like she is. Remember that your days are long, but so are hers. She will need time alone, with her friends, just like you will need with yours; let her no matter how much you are dreading that time. Remember the love you share, Fall in love over and over again. Remember that before they came along, you were you, and you were hers! Remember her!
Remember each other, and the two people you are without your children. The demands are high, days are endless, and hours are short, but you are as right for each other now as you were back then. Make time for each other alone, no friends, no family, no responsibilities. Hold on tight to each other through the years to come, because you will need each other. It won’t be like this for long, and one day you will look back saying “where did that time go”. There is no greater gift to go through the ups and downs of parenting. And its an even greater gift to go through life with your best friend. Remember each other! You’re a team, and this is a journey for every single day.
I am simply amazed by every little thing you do!
#angels #amazing #awesome #addicted #babynumber3 #beautiful #children #daughter #family #forever #ginger #gingie #gingerbreadgirl #ilovemybabies #life #love #lifeasamommy #oneofakind #princess #princessladybug #perfection #truelove #unconditionallove #yolo #xrayofmyheart #7monthsold
This past year has had it’s ups, it’s downs, and it’s in betweens. I learned how strong I really am, how happy I am, and who my real friends truly are. As I’m standing in the New Year, I want to promise myself that this year will be so much better, but I have made a habit of not making promises that I may not be able to keep. I’m not making any traditional New Year’s resolutions, I’m just making one goal for myself; my goal is to remember who Melaura is, and stay true to her.
Yes, I have found myself at times slipping away from who I truly am. At times it has brought me so much happiness, joy and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. At other times it has brought me so much pain and heartbreak it took everything in me to see the light at the end of the darkened tunnel.
Welcoming 2014, is something I never thought I would do. In my craziest dream, maybe, but not as a reality. I should probably reflect on the chapters of my life that have been so influential.
2003-2006; probably the most bleak years I have overcome. The darkness began in January of 2000, but I was too young to truly comprehend the magnitude of the situation I had found myself in. When I was 13, my life was changing yet again, I was trying to find myself while living a very sheltered life. Can I blame my parents for wanting to protect me from this scary place we call home? Not at all. 2004 rolled around and suddenly none of my surroundings resembled my home, I was scared and felt very alone. Yet, all the while tried to remain strong for my family. This was honestly the first time I had ever lost myself, and I don’t think I ever found that innocence again, at least in myself. It was also the first of many years of experiments that would come to pass. 2004 was also the second time I fell in love, yet I couldn’t have the “bad boy” I had fallen for, so I settled for being his friend. 2005 was the best year I had in a very long time. I received 2 academic awards, and I actually went to school, unlike the previous year where I skipped my whole year away. I began to make “friends” on which my life wouldn’t be complete without. 2006 my world took a dark turn in which I wasn’t sure that my life would be spared for 2007. I honestly thought that in my sixteenth year my life would tragically end, and it almost did. Who knew that familial mistreatment, and a broken heart would lead to so much darkness? It was in 2006 when I fell in love for the third time. I didn’t think that life would get any better then that. The boy I fell for made me so happy, gave me reason to live, provided my soul with a hope that could not have been compared with anything else (at least at that time in my life). Sure my family was a bunch of morons that couldn’t understand me, but that boy got me, and loved me. When he put a gun to his head, that’s when I thought I had nothing to live for. We both lived on, he walked away scratch free from the heartbreak he caused me, I walked away scared for life and hospitalized for a short time. On December 8, 2006 my life took a sharp turn, and that was the beginning of my forever. I ran away, from the pain and heartache, from my past and straight into my future.
2007 was an amazing year! I started dating the boy I fell in love with in 2004, got pregnant with the child that would change my entire world, there was some shuffling about, but it was a great year. Although I was cheated on, emotionally abused, and in denial; it was a fantastic year!
In 2008 I met a girl, she wrapped me around her little finger the moment I laid eyes on her. From that moment on I knew my purpose in life, and I would do anything to ensure it. In a split second after meeting her, I knew what unconditional love was, because that is exactly what I felt. She changed me in a few short moments. That girl, is my daughter, my perfect angel that God sent me to save my life!! All through the abuse, I could still smile because of this little girl.
2009 was a very long confusing year for me. My daughter and I left her father because he became physically abusive, and I honestly didn’t know how to stand on my own two feet at that point. I was beyond hurt, yet I wanted to protect my angel from that pain. I was betrayed by friends, and the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. 6 short months before we were going to be married as husband and wife, it was the end of us. It took me a little bit to see the light, I was living in autopilot. But for the second time, my daughter saved my life. Her absolute trust in me, her innocence, her unconditional happiness, her love; she saved me from a horrible darkness, for the second time! It was after I found my will, my happiness, that I met the true love of my life. It was him that took all the pieces my daughter had saved and put them back together. Suddenly I was whole again. I’ve told our story a million times, so I won’t repeat it ;). He took Mariah as his own flesh and blood, and couldn’t continue his life without us. It was also in 2009 when my first love, told me that he was in love with me, and if it hadn’t been for Tyler, him and I would be together.
2010 was an amazing year as well! Tyler and I grew closer together, and continued to realize the depths of our love for one another. We found out that we were going to have a son together, and even through my fear it was an amazing time in life.
2011 our son was born, he completed my life, and it is most likely the best year I have ever had, including my entire childhood! Everything was perfect! My MIL was a bit to handle, but I gained a SIL I cannot imagine my life without. I also lost some very dear people in my life. My Opoe passed on August 30, 2011 almost 15 years to the day of Opa. My BIL’s Mom passed a few days later, after a long time suffering. And my good friend died in a car accident at 21 years old! I was also betrayed by the one person who said she would always have my back. That person lied and twisted the truth into something so ugly and hurtful it was sickening. That’s when I packed my bags and walked away from her toxicity, and didn’t even try to take her guilt trip.
2012 was an interesting year. We were all happy, then we were miserable, then happy again. The beginning of the year life was surly perfect! Mid year everything went downhill fast, like cliff dropping fast, but then we found out I was pregnant with our youngest daughter. She saved our relationship, and that wasn’t an easy task. The remainder of the year was perfect! It was very fast and confusing.
2013, this past year, I’m so glad it’s over lol. It was a very tough year. We had to overcome such mountains, that honestly seemed hopeless at the time. But the highlights were HUGE! We gave birth to our little girl, our youngest! Our last baby! We were a completed family. All the obstacles from 2012 and 2013 figured themselves out as well!
So for 2014, I am aiming for the best 365 page book of all time! My goal is to remember who I am, and be more like me; which means optimism, and energy will be needed, very much so lol.
I wish everyone around me, friends and family alike, the very best for this new year!!
I don’t usually do this, but for my Dad and Mama, this is part of the baking I did tonight. An Apple Caramel cake, and 28 lemon cupcakes soon to have cream cheese icing added to them. Hopefully the kiddies enjoy them :)
#christmas #school #children #baking #cupcakes #cake #food #mmm
Mmm .. Crush thinks he found his next lunch!
#christmas #december #daynineteen #elf #elfontheshelf #family #fun
Thank you Sparkle and Peppermint, I really enjoy seeing toilet paper on the tree.
#christmas #december #dayeighteen #elf #elfontheshelf #family #fun